You Won’t Like the Reboot

May 14th, 2013

Let’s say you’re a fan of something. Like Star Trek or My Little Pony or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Hawaii 5-0. Or anything, really. You’ve got this thing you love that used to be a TV show or series of movies, and then they stopped.

Then someone picks up the rights and announces a reboot. You get excited because this thing you love is coming back, and this time it’s got a huge budget so everyone is going to get to see it done right. But you have to remember something: you’re not going to like it. The one thing you know about this new version is that it’s a reboot. That means it’s fundamentally changed from the thing you love. The only thing you know it isn’t going to be is the thing you love.

Because whatever the original property is, the people who are making a new version think they can do it better. They can make it more popular by changing it. You’re sitting at home remembering how great Dirk Benedict was, and they go and hire Katee Sackhoff because they have their own vision. And maybe they’re right, but because you love the original, there’s always going to be something missing.

Now, let’s talk about Star Trek. It’s pretty popular right now. There are some jokes about lens flare (because…seriously), but the first JJ Abrams Star Trek did really well. It made 257 million dollars.

That’s slightly less than the next three Star Trek films combined. Here’s the list. And based on these numbers, I can assure you that the producers are going to try their best to make more movies exactly like it. They’re not going to un-reboot it, no matter what happens. And fans of the original Star Trek (or any of the other Star Trek series that came before the reboot) are going to have to lump it, because it turns out that there aren’t as many of them as there are other people.

So my advice to them is this: remember that the property’s been rebooted. That happens because they didn’t like the old version. Let it go.

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Goodbye, Smash

May 13th, 2013

To the surprise of pretty much nobody, Smash is not coming back for a third season. So the two-hour season finale on May 26 is also going to be the series finale. I’m hoping the writers take the opportunity to tie up every single plot twist, but I am aware that they’re more likely to just throw in a million new cliffhanger plot twists out of habit.

I have enjoyed Smash, although I am aware of its flaws. They kept pushing a rivalry between Ivy and Karen, but it was obvious that Ivy was the better Marilyn Monroe. I’m not saying this to be mean to Katharine McPhee; it’s just that Megan Hilty is a voluptuous blonde who can belt out Broadway songs like there’s no tomorrow. I kept expecting them to split the lead in Bombshell into two parts, so McPhee could be “Norma Jean” and Hilty could be “Marilyn.” Then they could write a duet between the two personalities, which is exactly the sort of on-the-nose thing that Broadway’s good at.

But even with the piling on of subplots I didn’t care about (like everything involving Julia’s home life in season one), I thought it was an entertaining show. The songs were frequently good, for one thing. It turns out I’m happy to watch a show that combines high points of fun and entertainment with low points in logic and realism. Sure, these people are all terrible at having affairs. Sure, Ellis was comically evil. But when you combine the nonsense with good stuff, I like it.

The show Smash reminds me of the most is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. That show had a lot really good elements. Aaron Sorkin can write a snappy speech. The actors did a good job being entertaining. And yet, there were ridiculous flaws through the whole thing, like the idea that a single person could write a 90-minute comedy show every week. Or that Sarah Paulson’s character was simultaneously the greatest sketch-comedy performer ever and also unable to tell a joke. Week after week, this great dialogue and acting bumped up against ridiculous plots and situations. It was fascinating! I kept wondering why Aaron Sorkin was making this show, since he apparently had no idea how Saturday Night Live was made. Couldn’t he at least read Live From New York once or twice? Smash was like that. You can’t start rehearsals so quickly! You can’t keep writing new songs so late in the process! Surely somebody involved with the show must have been struck by how ridiculous it was.

So I’ll miss Smash. It wasn’t good, but it was entertaining. And it was ambitious in a way that television shows rarely are.

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Worlds of Myth and Magic at the EMP

May 2nd, 2013

The opening ceremonies at the Experience Music Project are big and fancy. We went to the Fantasy: Worlds of Myth and Magic opening and had a lot of fun. But we didn’t see the actual exhibit, because the place was absolutely packed and it was easier to do the ancillary things like watch a swordfighting demonstration. And there was a talk given by Karen Falk, the historian and archivist for the Jim Henson company, and I love seeing early Muppet things.

So we came back in the middle of the week, when there were fewer people. And we got to get a proper look at everything!

Fantasy: Worlds of Myth and Magic

 

At the opening ceremony, there was an official photo op with the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. But you had five seconds to get ready and the flash tended to wipe everything out. Now that the place is empty, you can pose as long as you like. And I did, although I’m not entirely happy with my wardrobe.

Inside, they’ve done a lot of work to put the exhibits in an interesting pseudo-medieval setting. And they don’t restrict themselves to the usual suspects, either. Check this out:

Ooh! Costumes from The Wizard of Oz! The Cowardly Lion is made out of actual lion skin, which was probably pretty warm for Bert Lahr to wear all day. But I’m more interested in the Emerald City Guard costume. That thing looks cool!

On the left, David Bowie’s costume as Goblin King in Labyrinth. On the right, the entrance to a teeny little art gallery. It’s got art from various properties, but I was most interested in the Magic: The Gathering stuff.

Ah, Knight of the Reliquary, by Michael Komarck. I’ve always said that art looks cooler when it’s got a frame around it.

The upper left image is Vincent Proce’s art for one of the Zendikar Islands. I’m pleased to see it there, because it’s always been one of my favorite basic land images.

Again in the upper left, Koth of the Hammer (as done by Eric Deschamps, from Duel Decks: Venser vs. Koth). This picture gives a feel of what the art room is like. Basically “a lot of fantasy art in cool frames shoved next to each other.” It’s good fun.

Now, back to the movie props. The two swords on top are from The Princess Bride, as is the six-fingered glove on the right.The katana is extra-cool to me:

That’s the katana from Highlander! And probably also Highlander 2, but we won’t talk about that. This is one of my favorite fantasy swords. Although looking at it now, I think it would probably be a better idea to have a rubberized grip.

Anyway, I prefer this Princess Bride exhibit. It’s the costumes for Inigo, Princess Buttercup, and Westley. Come on, that’s cool.

The exhibit has a lot of talk about fantasy archetypes, and they have decided to assert that these are the 24 archetypes. I was kind of hoping they’d sell them in card form, but you only get to good around with a fancy touchscreen table to learn about them. And there are magnets in the gift shop.

After the fantasy exhibit, we decided to have lunch at this charming local restaurant. It looks like this:

The Space Needle has a restaurant in it, and it serves tasty food. And while you eat, you get a great view of Seattle:

fantasy_12

This was on May 1, so a few hours after I took this picture, there were riots in the streets. We chose to avoid that.

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The Mystery of the Missing Eyebrows

May 1st, 2013
The Mystery of the Missing Eyebrows, by Stephen Rudd

The Mystery of the Missing Eyebrows, by Stephen Rudd

I have an unexplained fondness for boys’ adventure books from a long time ago. It’s an easy habit to indulge, because a lot of them are on Google Books for free. But from time to time, I run across a physical copy of one, and since most people don’t collect books this terrible, they’re pretty cheap.

The Mystery of the Missing Eyebrows  is a weird case, because it combines a standard mystery (a kid named Renfro Horn is searching for a kidnapper) with extremely obvious propaganda about the joys of having your own newspaper route. It’s not like Horatio Alger, which is about the benefits of work in general. There are entire chapters about the importance of folding the paper the right way or how to get money out of subscribers. The idea is clearly to make young readers get excited about how much fun and money they can get out of newspaper routes.

The author, Stephen Rudd, was a pseudonym for R.H. Gore, who also shows up as the “R.H. Gore Publishing Co.” He was also the publisher of the Terre Haute, IN newspaper, so this book is filled with tips on how a newsboy can increase subscriptions. And when you get frostbite (which you will, because you’re a newsboy in 1921 and wearing gloves would get in the way of folding the papers properly), the book gives you cutting-edge medical tips: rub some snow on it! I can’t see how that makes sense for even a second, but apparently it used to be a common belief.

The front of the book claims that eleven more books in “The Newspaper Boys Series” are coming. They were not, because even boys in 1921 knew better than to buy into this nonsense. But the back of this book has the plots for the next four in the series, so if you’ve always wanted to write a book about a plucky newsboy’s adventures, somebody’s already done the preliminary work for you.

I particularly enjoyed one part, in which a boy scout explains that an earlier scene was bunkum. There’s a story about some Indian graves, which turn out to have been set up by a Scoutmaster who wanted to make a cabin seem more interesting. That seems relatively normal, except for this line:

“They had gone out secretly and dug two graves, burying two old skeletons which had been in the trash room of the high school.”

I like the attention to detail with this prank! Most people would just pile up some dirt and claim they were graves, but these guys actually put dead bodies in there. I, for one, did not know that in 1921, high schools had trash rooms with extra skeletons that you could just take. 

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I’m Going to Disney World!

April 30th, 2013

As you might remember, I quit my day job at Wizards of the Coast last month. Since then, I’ve been doing a lot of writing. You’re reading some of it now! And I’ve also been recapping television shows at a terrific clip. I’m right in the middle of a stretch where every week, I recap Game of Thrones, Arrow, and Elementary. The Game of Thrones recaps are much longer than the other ones, but it’s still a lot of stuff.

Luckily for me, I’m going to get a break at the end of May. Arrow’s finale is May 15, then Elementary has its finale on May 16. Game of Thrones is stretching into June, but it doesn’t have a new episode on May 26, to make room for Behind the Candelabra, the HBO original movie about Liberace. I’m definitely watching that, but I don’t need to write five thousand words about it. So I’ve basically got that week off. Naturally, I’m going to Disney World!

I chose Disney World because I’ve been to Disneyland a lot. I grew up in San Diego and we’d drive up to Anaheim pretty often. And a few years ago, we went to Disneyland for like a week and a half. Later that year, we had a crazed one-day trip where we flew down in the morning, went straight to the park, had fun, and flew back to Seattle in the evening. That was a lot of fun, but it was also exhausting. But I haven’t been to the park in Florida all that much, so I thought it would be fun to mix it up.

There’s another reason I picked Disney World. Three years ago, there was this Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movie with Johnny Depp. And there was a tie-in game for the iPhone that was actually pretty fun. It was one of those deals where if you want to unlock all the things, you have to play the levels more than once. And then there were these unlockables that required you to answer riddles. That’s all pretty standard, but then things got complicated. There were unlockables that required using the camera to take pictures of things of certain colors. There were unlockables that required you to check in on specific days, like the day that Alice in Wonderland was first published.

But the craziest part is the location-based aspect. There are five unlockables where you have to check in at the teacup ride at each of the five Disney parks. I managed to check off Tokyo Disneyland when the Magic World Championships were in Chiba, so here’s what the screen looks like right now:

Alice in Wonderland App

 

The bunny is what I got for checking in at the Tokyo park. I’ll get another one when I check in at Disney World. That will leave just the parks in California, Paris, and Hong Kong. Frankly, this $4.99 app is taking a lot of effort to complete. I live in constant fear that my saved data will get lost and I’ll have to start over.

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Dolemite vs. the Sugarhill Gang

April 29th, 2013

“Rapper’s Delight” was the first rap single. Before it, people didn’t think rap was something you bothered to record. It was just something people did at clubs or during parties. But then the Sugarhill Gang sold an unknown (but very large) number of records, and rap was well on its way.

Don’t get me wrong. The Sugarhill Gang were terrible. There were great rappers around at the time, but the first single got made by these three dopes. And one of them (Big Bank Hank) didn’t even write his rhymes. He was using a notebook of Grandmaster Casanova’s.

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that I want to compare a rhyme from “Rapper’s Delight” to a rhyme by Rudy Ray Moore. See, rap came partly from the Jamaican tradition of toasting and partly from the filthy party records of people like Rudy Ray Moore. You can see him in action in several movies, particularly Dolemite, which is a fantastic example of do-it-yourself filmmaking. And also sleazy Blaxploitation, if you want to look at it that way.

First, here’s a line in “Rapper’s Delight,” rapped by Wonder Mike:

I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast,
But we’re like hot butter on your breakfast toast.

Okay. Look. I like toast. I had toast for breakfast this morning. And, in fact, I like it to be buttered. And it’s true that butter can be too cold to spread nicely. But still, this is a lame boast. You’re not really throwing down here, Wonder Mike. Do better.

And now here’s a line from Rudy Ray Moore’s classic movie Petey Wheatstraw, in which he plays a comedian who ends up as the devil’s son-in-law. It’s a lot of fun. And right at the beginning, when he’s introducing himself, he says this:

I’m not here to brag, I’m not here to boast,
But I can sit on a tombstone and produce baby ghosts.

That’s more like it! First, I should point out that Petey Wheatstraw came out in 1977 and “Rapper’s Delight” was in 1979. So if you don’t think Rudy Ray Moore influenced the development of rap, you’re kidding yourself. And second, that is an absolutely fantastic brag. I’m not sure when he’d use that ability and I’m not even sure of the mechanics. But I know that he’s making a wild, impossible claim about himself, and that sure beats claiming to be a dairy product.

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Strip Search Theory: The Elimination Challenge

April 24th, 2013

The elimination challenges on Strip Search have the artists combine two random ideas into a comic strip. This week, given “mermaid” and “ukulele,” Maki drew this:

"Mermaid and Ukulele" Strip Search Challenge by Maki

“Mermaid and Ukulele” Strip Search Challenge by Maki

…and Amy drew this:

"Mermaid and Ukulele" Strip Search Challenge by Amy

“Mermaid and Ukulele” Strip Search Challenge by Amy

 

Amy was eliminated because the judges felt she hadn’t really incorporated both elements as well as she could have. And I think I agree, since the “mermaid” part was barely there. But it got me thinking about the best ways to approach this sort of “combine these two elements” challenge.

Before we get to my thoughts, I should emphasize that I am not a cartoonist. Nor am I an artist. But I did this challenge anyway, because I think it will help demonstrate what I’m talking about.

"Mermaid and Ukulele" Strip Search Challenge-at-home by Monty Ashley

“Mermaid and Ukulele” Strip Search Challenge-at-home by Monty Ashley

The way I see it, there are two basic ways to approach a creative challenge where you’re supposed to combine two disparate elements. The first one is to cram the two elements together and see where that takes you. Like in Maki’s piece, where the central image is “mermaids playing ukuleles.” It’s a good image and I particularly enjoy the expression on the mermaid on the left. Then all you have to do is justify the image, then extrapolate from that to a joke.

The other way is the try to figure out what the two things have in common. This is similar to the game “What Am I Thinking?” on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast: with Thing A and Thing B, what’s the thing that’s exactly between the two? That’s the approach I took, and I decided that, roughly speaking, Hawaii was about midway between the two. Hawaii has ukuleles in abundance, and it’s an island, so it might well have mermaids. So if I established the scene early, I’d be able to bring in both elements in a way that felt organic.

If I’d had more time than ninety minutes (and been an actual cartoonist), I would have done this strip differently. My initial concept was to have someone playing a ukulele while they sang a song about unknown luau moves. Panel one would show the singer (with ukulele), then each other panel would have his head at the top, along with a rhyming couplet about each thing. That would also free up the second panel to have an actual joke in. Probably about poi.

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What Roxxxy Andrews Doesn’t Get

April 23rd, 2013

You’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, right? You should be. It’s one of the most entertaining things that television has ever created. It’s simultaneously a parody of reality shows (particularly Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model) and a much better version of them. If you’re not watching, I don’t have time to convince you that you’re missing out.

Instead, I’m going to talk about Roxxxy Andrews, who’s been acting like a huge jerk in the last couple of episodes.

We’re down to the top three: Jinkx Monsoon, Alaska, and Roxxxy Andrews. I like Jinkx the best, because she’s based in Seattle and I saw her in Hedwig and the Angry Inch. And also because she’s the best. Alaska is also very talented, although I feel that the show has somewhat hamstrung her by not letting her use her last name. Which is Thunderfuck. Drag has a high tolerance for bad taste, but television hasn’t quite caught up.

In the last episode, Roxxxy insisted that she takes drag very seriously, and that’s why she hasn’t done as well in the acting challenges. In the courtroom challenge, the  competitors were told to create three individual characters each. And Roxxxy got impatient and angry when she was asked about her characters. She feels that when Jinkx develops a complete backstory for a one-off “Prosecutor” character, she’s just goofing off. When Jinkx is funny? Just goofing off.

And there are a couple of things Roxxxy doesn’t understand here. First of all, understanding your character’s backstory is taking it seriously. Jinkx isn’t just reading the lines. She’s acting. That’s why she’s good!

Another thing, of course, is that Jinkx takes drag just as seriously as Roxxxy does. When she’s being funny in a challenge, that’s because it’s a comedy challenge. Drag isn’t just female impersonation. It’s camp. It’s fun. It’s funny. RuPaul leans a bit toward glamour, but her television show is hilarious. And one of her best friends in drag is Lady Bunny, who’s basically a stand-up comedian. Come on, Roxxxy. You can’t just say “I look good in a dress” and think that means you’re better at drag than people who can sing, act, and do comedy.

But the main thing Roxxxy isn’t getting is that it’s all already a performance. She thought it was stupid that Jinkx invented a character for her prosecutor. When Roxxxy was asked about her character, she just said “bitch.” Because, according to Roxxxy, she’s not a prosecutor. She’s Roxxxy Andrews as a prosecutor.

And Roxxxy? In the words of previous contestant Latrice Royale…you’re a dude in a dress. Jinkx isn’t really named “Jinkx Monsoon. He’s really Jerick Hoffer. Quit kidding yourself. Drag should be taken seriously, because it can be an art form. But it shouldn’t be taken too seriously, because it’s basically silly. Lighten up a little, okay? It’s supposed to be fun.

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A Storm of Swords Is Very, Very Long

April 22nd, 2013
A Storm of Swords, by George R. R. Martin. The extra R is for extra Radical-ness!

A Storm of Swords, by George R. R. Martin. The extra R is for extra Radical-ness!

As you may know, I’m recapping A Game of Thrones for Television Without Pity. If you didn’t know that, I encourage you to go read them, on the grounds that I spent a lot of time on them. And they’re funny!

The show is currently in the third season, which is going to roughly match up with the first half of the book A Storm of Swords, which is the third book in the series A Song of Ice and Fire. The book came out back in 2000, so some people have known plot details for thirteen years. But other people are just now watching the show, and that makes spoilers a tricky issue. So I’m going to try to talk about the book without giving away any plot details. Let’s see if that’s possible!

What I can definitely report is that it’s a very long book. You probably knew that already, because it’s too big to fit into one season of Game of Thrones. But that’s the main thing I took away from it: it’s 1200 pages! I can read most books in my spare time, but this required actual, “Stop talking to me! I’m reading!”-type dedication.

And…I’m not sure it’s worth all that time. Although there are exciting bits here and there, it’s kind of dull until page 700. That’s not a spoiler for the show! They’re probably going to spread the exciting bits out, since they happen in all the separate plots. But while reading the book, I felt that the first 700 pages were setup, and then the last 500 were payoff. And even 500 straight pages of fireworks can get tiring.

So now I’ve caught up to the geek culture of thirteen years ago. Which is good! And I’m ahead of the television show by a season and a half, which is also good! But I feel like I’m supposed to read books 4 and 5, but between them that’s another 1700 pages. And I don’t know if I can face that right now.

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Strip Search: The Merch Challenge (or “Strip Merch”)

April 19th, 2013

Today’s episode of Strip Search covers something that people should pay more attention to: setting up a merch table at a convention. I have just remembered that this is the Internet, which means I’m able to embed the video right here!

This is a key skill for succeeding in webcomics. Or really anything where you might have a booth at a convention. There are so many little things people could be doing better when setting up their booths that I was really happy to see it called out as a skill.

For example, people going through the dealer’s room are frequently tired. There are a lot of distractions, including that jerk who just ran a stroller into them. The first task of a booth is to grab attention. You can’t just lay everything flat on the table and hope that someone looks at each item. Be splashy! That’s what the back of the booth is for. You can use your vertical space to quickly communicate the message “We have T-shirts with amusing pictures on them!” And don’t just stack books up. At least one book should be standing up so the cover faces the crowds.

You know, stuff like that. It’s important! And convention-goers appreciate the extra effort, because Artist’s Alley can get pretty dull if it’s just table after table of stacks of prints. So I liked this episode a lot, because half of the running time is spent watching Robert Khoo and Brian Sunter talk about the small things that make a big difference.

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